Thursday, January 26, 2006

Stings.

It was fifth grade and Mrs. Latz was our language arts teacher. It was the first year we had lockers and they were situated outside of her classroom. It was cool, having a locker. We cut out pictures from Tiger Beat magazine and hung them on the inside of the door. Nicole, who was my locker partner, and I cut out pictures of tropical fish and made our locker an aquarium. She even made a fake aquarium filter out of a used water bottle and some aluminum foil.

Nicole, Christie and I were walking back from the cafeteria after lunch and we stopped by our lockers to put our lunchbags away. Christie grabbed her reading book from the top shelf of her locker. Nicole didn't need anything because she already had her book. I reached into the bottom of our locker to retrieve my reading book and saw a folded up piece of paper stuck in the locker vents.

"To Kerri Only."

"A note! Kerri got a note! Oooohh..." Fifth grade immaturity gave way to giggles and blushing as the three of us crowded around the note to read.

"Dear Kerri, the Dirty Diabetic. No one likes you. We've made a whole club about how we don't like you. It's called the "We Hate Diabetics" club."

A picture of a needle encased in an accusatory red circle was scribbled beside my name. No more needles. No more insulin. No more Kerri.

Nicole and Christie stood there, not saying anything. Until I started to cry.

"That's not right. That's mean! We're taking this to Mrs. Latz. She'll find out who did this." They took the note from my shaking, 10 year old hands. They took my hands in theirs and led me into the classroom.

The note was handed to Mrs. Latz and she read it while Nicole rummaged in her pockets for a tissue for me.

"This is unacceptable." She shook her head and her soft blond hair swished from side to side. "This is simply unacceptable."

Through the miraculous methods that only 5th grade language arts teachers possess, Mrs. Latz found out who has left that note in my locker. The "We Hate Diabetics Club" consisted of one, miserable, red headed girl who sat with me at lunch, whose eyes were red rimmed as she shuffled towards me at the urging of Mrs. Latz's hands.

Red Head stopped in front of me and stared at her feet.

"I'm sorry, Kerri," she mumbled, looking to Mrs. Latz to release her.

"It's okay," I said back, looking for her to release me.

But it wasn't.

Red Head remains the only person in my life who has ever tried to make me feel bad for being diabetic. She made me cry and, when I think about the moment I opened that note, my face still flushes red with surprise. I wish I could forgive her for her childish words, but I still can't. She and I continued through middle school and high school together, attending the same parties and dances and mixing with the same group of friends, but I always held her at arm's length. And when I saw her at the beach last summer, after a 4 year absence, I didn't walk over to say hello. Twenty-six years old and still holding a grudge against a little girl who was the only member in cruel little club.

It still stings.

16 Comments:

At January 26, 2006 8:14 PM, Blogger Lyrehca said...

That Redhead girl belongs in her own club of one--the MeanieHead Club. She's probably bitter and cranky inside and you know she has all sorts of issues of her own.

 
At January 26, 2006 8:23 PM, Blogger Nicole P said...

I'm sure little red haired girl had issues... Have you ever seen the episode of South Park in which Cartman forms an anti-ginger movement (anti-redhead movement, that is)? It's a scream...

You did have two friends in the picture who probably softened the note's blow -- maybe saved ginger girl from something less kind than your "it's OK..." I wonder, does your friend-keeping match your grudge-keeping? I imagine it does; and that you never forgot the kindness of Nicole and Christie...

Kids are mean, but being a kid should not be an excuse...

 
At January 26, 2006 9:06 PM, Blogger Kerri. said...

Sandra's post on her blog about one of Joseph's schoolmates being cruel reminded me of this incident. It's the only one of its kind that I can remember. I'm thankful for that.

Lyrehca - The MeanieHead Club? You should absolutely patent that. :)

 
At January 26, 2006 11:02 PM, Blogger mytime79 said...

That's awful and so mean. I felt really bad for your 10 year old self. Redhead girl just may be the president of her one person MeanieHead Club.

 
At January 27, 2006 1:21 AM, Blogger Rachel said...

Long before I ever met my wonderful husband, I had a good friend in elementary school who was type 1. She went through something very similar right after she had a hypoglycemic seizure at school. It disgusted me back then and every time I have thought of it since.

 
At January 27, 2006 9:20 AM, Blogger Erica said...

I wouldn't have said hello either...

Kids can be SO mean and being a parent, that terrifies me.

I can only hope that I am able to raise my kids with respect and tolerance and that none of them would EVER do such a dispicable thing.

 
At January 27, 2006 10:08 AM, Anonymous allison.m said...

I'm sorry that happened Kerri. It shouldn't happen to anyone, much less a child. I'm a believer in the Course in Miracles philosophy, where everything pretty much boils down to being about love vs. fear. Red Head should make an amend to you. If she never does, she is still all about fear, and I pity her for that. She probably stings alot more than you do simply because she lives in that fearful place. You are about love. Hang on to that, even though it still stings.

 
At January 27, 2006 11:31 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

*sniff sniff* kids can be SO MEAN! I'm with lyrehca ... rehead belongs in the Meaniehead Club :(

I hate how kids to these things to one another - it breaks my heart.

If its any consolation - I wouldn't have said hi to her either.

 
At January 27, 2006 11:37 AM, Anonymous Mari said...

My mom recently sent me the NY Times wedding announcement for a boy I went to grade school with. My overwhelming memory of him is of him chasing me down the hall in 5th grade, a few months after I came back from diagnosis, yelling "don't touch me I don't want to get diabetes and aids from you" (apparently needles linked the two in his mind) and trying to convince other kids in our class that I was contagious despite all parental and teacherly intervention. I hate him still.

-Mari (delurking, type 1, 20 years)

 
At January 27, 2006 11:45 AM, Blogger Kerri. said...

Mari - Thank you for de-Lurking. And for not thinking I'm insane for being a grudge holding girl. ;)

 
At January 27, 2006 11:48 AM, Blogger julia said...

It's amazing how cruel children are. They instinctively know exactly which buttons to push, what weakness to exploit in order to make you feel just awful.

I certainly don't blame you for not talking to the girl when you saw her last year. I wouldn't have either, had it been me. When I was in the 6th grade, a boy named Anthony Salvidio wrote a play in which I was the main character - called Big-Butt Bertha. I'm Hispanic and I'm a bit sway-backed so I had a round little sticky-out butt that I was just mortified about. I don't know what I'd do if I saw him today, beside fantasizing about tearing his fool head off.

So, yeah, count me in as another member of the anti-MeanieHead Club.

 
At January 27, 2006 5:15 PM, Blogger Alex said...

i remember being called 'diabetic head' by a down the street. i got mad and said 'ya and if you aren't careful i'll sneeze on you and you'll catch it and chased her around the playground. my little brother was there with us and he is very quiet and polite but went up to her and stood up for me. don't let her get you down. you rock.

 
At January 28, 2006 12:48 PM, Anonymous terrilynn said...

Ack, what a rotten thing that was. And FWIW, I wouldn't have spoken to her, either, no matter how many years later it was.

And I guarantee your mama still wants to kick MeanieHead Girl's butt.

 
At February 06, 2006 4:48 AM, Blogger Kim said...

Oh Kerry, what a sad story!

It hurt my heart to read it.

I'm not diabetic, but I was the one "nerd" everyone seemed to make fun of in the sixth grade and have horrible memories of things that were said.

This was all the way back in 1969 (and yes, we put Tiger Beat pics on our lockers then, too)but it still causes pain and humiliation to think of it.

Thank god for your friends.

 
At February 07, 2006 10:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, this sounds so familiar. My daughter had the unfortunate experience of something similar not to long ago. Though hurt and angry all it took was a few minutes together with the "mean child". Some days after the incident, I met with the teacher and the other girl’s mom. We decided to take the "mean girl" to the office before the lunchtime procedure. Some explaining what actually was going on and the insight of the actual process helped to understand and put any differences away. So all I say is, the unknowing often react like little "red head" which evidently had some bigger issues, or may just not understood the extra attention one gets from teachers and friends. I am not taking sides; just try to be objective speaking of experience. I do so believe my daughter still "hates" the other girl and will have to agree, that these situations will stay with one a life long.

 
At March 08, 2007 11:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Saw your link in Alison's email and all I can say is here is proof of the
circle of life. It gave me pleasure to know she is tormented for being the mean girl

 

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